i nvr stopped loving u... i just stopped showing it...

been 2mths since i've last blog, time flies as it's already the mth of Dec. i miss the zoo very much, the ppl i've worked with & and the animals too. Great place with great ppl. Couldn't ask for anymore. Started my new job at NUS, nice ppl here, with a gd environment too. Just haven't seen the bad side of it yet, hope i'll nvr get to see it.

ETH started training last Friday, couldn't be there due to sch. Hope i ain't too late to catch up with the guys. Always feel a gap between us, find it hard to catch up with the pace. Just wanna maintain my level of game as gd as last yr, if i can exceed. Tat's a bonus. =)

Surprise to receive an SMS from Uncle Danny, it's been a long time we met since Grandma passed away. Dropping a msg saying to attend a gathering at his house at Sengkang on 26 Dec, looks like a road trip. Wonder who i'm gonna get to see over there, not really looking forward to it.

Christmas is around the corner, less then 2 weeks. Anyone celebrating Christmas this yr? Any wishes? =)

mine... will be... wishing *holding ur hand, walking down with me to see the Christmas Lightings in town area. A gd dinner... walk around... just the both of us...* sounds too much? maybe a lil.

Enjoy ur Christmas everybody, signing off. =)

Been almost a mth plus since I updated this blog... Now... Currently using my BB to blog a post here. First... The bastard jerk who stole my phone... Used my line to make 7 transactions of sms online credits... Worth $520... Now Singtel only will be able to pay out only a $168 while the rest have to pay myself... That's so freaking unfair... Hope they're at least to pay a lil more... T_T

Secondly, I got a new job at NUS medicine dept as a Lab Technologist... Pay's slightly better... Near my sch... Pretty gd I guess... Starting work on the 22nd next mth... During this time... Will be clearing my Annual Leave next mth till my last day of work... Really gonna miss the ppl working there... And the animals as well... Will nvr forget what I've been through there... The ups and downs... Worth thinking back... =)

It hurts... It really hurts...

this mth of August... was the worst ever... can't cope with sch work, car accident... phone got stolen...
wanna end this mth quickly... seriously... T_T

u're not the only one who's upset when u think about it... Till now I still wish we're still together... Loving each other... But think u don't wanna get back together again...

rushing lab report... not knowing gonna submit on Friday... gonna stay up the whole night to finish and don't even know where to start...

next Thursday is re-exam of 'A' Maths... haven't even started studying... so many to revise...

I've failed all my Biology Semester Test... lowest in class... feel so fucking pathetic...

at this rate... should i even carry on to study????

as for work... so what if i got promoted??? pay now... $1480... big deal... what's worst? no yearly increment... 6mths since the Giant Panda Project Interview... till now still no news yet! Can i hang on?? give me a hint personally...!!! rumors are bullshit...!!! i need news from management!!! at least i know there's something for me to hang on to!!!

life's so screwed up... totally screwed up...

got into car accident... on saturday... dun wanna talk about how it happen... parents know about it... gotten angry... blaming & insisting that i talk on the phone while driving... I DIDN'T!!!!! till now still nagging all over... i'm so sick and tired of it... didnt slp for the past 2 nights... kept having the images in my head... really need to find a place to hang out at till late night, make sure they slp first before i step into the house... to save myself from the nagging...

happen to saw baby's twitter status on my phone this morning, she fainted at home ytd morning... saying she's fine now... so relief she's doing fine now... heartbeat pumped freaking fast... then saw her another status... sayin "u were not there when i needed u, i'm really disappointed and upset... i was all alone... =(((" who's she refering to? guess she already with someone else... no matter how hard i tried to give her my all, the attention, care & concern... i won't be able to have her back by my side...

i miss u... gd nights...

Had a car accident last night... A sway thing to happen... Hit onto a 'P' plate driver somemore... what's worst... when I parked to one side... Police drove pass and stop... Knn... Can't be even more sway... -_- now no car to drive... Suck... Can't travel everywhere... Went to see doctor 5am in the morning, couldn't slp at all...

Baby's attending the serve beer and mingle event at chong pang camp, saying that it's a small 4hr events. And she needs the quick cash, telling me she will be fine, as she know the ppl there. I dun like her doing this serve beer and mingle, cause I couldn't stand guys "hugging" taking photos, or drink beer as she couldn't hold the beer that well. Guess that's part of the job? Makes me worried very much, doesn't mean u know the ppl means nth will happen... But in the end, she needs this job to get the quick cash. Hope she let me know she's doing fine, I can send her back even though I had no car, but at least when I sent her home, knowing she reach home safe & sound.

Miss ya. =)

Time to start work... Will blog again ltr tonight... Gd morning...

Got a letter from my curator ytd afternoon... Saying i got promoted... But... I'm not happy about it... Not looking forward to it either...

Aug 19th... Re-test for 'A' Maths... Aug 11th... Biology Semester Test... How to study...?! Really duno how... At least... Thankfully... Off season...

I've failed my 'A' Maths module... Gonna go for re-sit... Failed by 3marks... So frustrating... Struggling on my Biology module as well, as I don't have a gd background on basic science... Working also very physically tired as well, thankfully it's off season at the moment... At this current situation... Not too sure if I shld quit sch, it's so tiring & hard to management... Really scare I can't cope... It's hard... But I have to keep trying... Keep pushing...

If everything's change...
Remember me...
How did I fall in love with u...

It hurts so much... That every time my heart beats... It gave a sinking feeling...
Everything I do... Reminds me of u...

I miss u...

:'(

Congratulation to Baby, got promoted to manager. Keep it up, jia you, :) love & misses...

Why shld I care & concern for her...
Why shld I worried for her...
Why shld I feel like jealous or something else...
Why shld I?

Ans is because I still love her so much...

:''(

I hate to see when u're together with somebody else, cause it hurts. But I hate it even more and hurts so much, knowing u're unhappy and tired when we're together... :'(

Thinking of u in the day... Dreaming of u at night... Hmmm...

wanna...

I wanna hug & tell u, I miss u & love u so so much.

Even I told ya this... guess it won't change anything... As ur heart is somewhere else... :'(

oh my god...

27th May, u decided to take a step back, I'm okay.
10th June, u asked me why we broke that day, because of different in character and barriers between us, and between this time, I still give u my attention whenever u msg me, and u told me that ya got closer with W.Jian?! That break my heart instantly. Since u think he's better then how I'm treating... I'm happy for u as u found a better man.
22nd June, for the first we skype, chat on msn... U called me Baby... U ended the conversation by saying "I love u"... I was like... Blurred... What do u want now?? Can u tell me?

It hurts... But what does it means? Because it's over? Or I just couldn't bare to let her go? What can I do to improve myself to make this relationship better? This question was always on my mind...thinking of her all the time, wondering if she's thinking of me too......

:'(

:'(

:'(

tired...

I'm so tired... Just wanna... Sit down at one corner... Close my eyes... Rest... Don't ever wish to wake up...

got thrown ard at work... till now still not sure which section i'm gonna work at... just like a basketball being thrown all ard the place... T_T

i'm messed up by alot of things... can someone... pls untangle me...?

Reaching in...

i've tried reaching in for u... but there's no respond, it's either "don't know", "see how", or u're out with others.

='(

Efforts...
have i put in enough effort to make things better?
have i put in enough effort to give u all the attention and care & concern?
have i put in enough effort to be there for u? no matter u're sad or happy?

Do i...
Do i get to share ur joy with u?
or Do i just only get to share ur sorrow while u share u joy with others?

Baby passed her driving test!!! happy for her. =) Gd job baby! love ya.

Doesn't mean i can't sweet talk to u to make u happy, doesn't mean i don't love u.

i need u...

i need u to tell me how u feel, so we can move onwards together...
i couldn't be the one always tell u how i feel yet u don't wanna tell me how u feel?
how u expect me to know? i don't guess. i couldn't think deep enough. i'm sorry.
i couldn't afford this, i couldn't afford that. Could u understand my situation what i'm going through? i can only give u my attention & care & support to u, what other needs would u like to have?

can u pls tell me how u feel?

7th May - Angry? Disappointed? Sad? Confused?

if i tell ya this story, how would u feel?

On the Thursday night, i asked Baby if she's free to meet up for lunch. No need for her to travel so far out, i can meet her up at Tampines Area, to spend time with her & have a gd meal before her sch graduation prom night. She say have to see what time she woke up the next morning. i say okay, let me know. The next morning, i woke up early knowing that i don't have enough slp for the past few days, i make an effort waking up early to wash up prepare my stuffs, as when the moment she called, i can straight head out without wasting any precious time. I woke up at 9am, wash up packed my stuff and waited for a her call anxiously. Past noon, no msg/call from her, i msg her 3 msgs & no reply for the past 1 hr. I've waited till 1pm plus, i make the initiative to call her. When she pick up the phone, i ask her if she's free to meet up for lunch. She said she's having lunch with her mum, i was surprised. My heart had a sinking feel, very sad. i said ok, u go have ur lunch then. Then i msg her to have a gd meal. She replied saying "sorry, didn't have the time to msg when i leave home, sorry" when i see that, i replied nvm. she replied me a sad face symbol. i didn't replied, i was very disappointed. so sad that she gave this kinda excuse. For the past 1 hr, u holding on to ur phone not knowing ur phone rang??? i breakdown, cried. why did i cry??? why??? can someone tell me??? didn't slp the whole night that day. too sad to do so...

now how would u feel if u were me?

hmmm...

Labour Day.

met up with baby at Orchard Rd, fixed up her eyelashes. The eyelash was pretty well done, very nice on baby. Haha, then have japanese food for dinner & bought a bag for her. Hope she likes it. Head out to Night Safari with baby, her family & relatives. i've managed to help baby to fork out the price of the tics, ease her burden a lil. But most importantly everyone enjoy themselves! it's gd!

Today,
Saw baby's Fan Page, she uploaded the pics she have taken at the Chong Pang Camp event. looks like she's enjoying herself alot, *but... when i see some of the guys place their hands ard her waist, i'm so jealous sia...* it's gd baby didn't drink much, but just dun like her to work this kinda jobs, cause she got wasted last time at the same place too!!! i'm so damn farking worried!!!! my head kept spinning!!! "if she gonna okay? how come haven't reply my msg yet?? nvr pick up my call!!! ARGHH!!!!!" just couldn't help worrying. i maybe over-protecting her, but i have my ego & pride de leh. Noone wans his gf like that de la... even for me... haiz... was so freaking worried when she's attending this kinda of work event, hope this will be the last time le. hmmm... -.-"

sometimes... just wondering... if she appreciates that i care & love for her... Not sure if she's really think of how i would feel? i dun wanna think so much! but just couldn't help it. really gotta stop this kinda thinking la... this totally sucks. She's gonna have a prom night on Friday, then she's going clubbing wif her gf after the prom. saying she's gonna go there control her. i was like... huh?? her sch frens accompany her can't control her meh? what makes u so sure u can control her sia, i don't know her frens well, so i don't wanna jump to any stupid conclusions. oh my god... there comes my ego & pride... shit.... lol...! hmmm, could it be Baby wanna go club too? lol, Baby go ahead la, i'm sure u're big enough to know how to take care of urself le,(but i still will be worried de la, what if a bunch of guys come to u & ur gf? whose gonna help? are ur frens able to help u &ur gf? as ur frens clubbing somewhere else in the club or dead drunk? ARGH!!! my ego!!! shit!!!!) Since baby's going to prom then club to celebrate their graduation from poly, hope she'll have fun that night, feel happy for her. Baby, pls take care of urself there, & look after ur belongings k? & dun wonder too far from ur group of frens. =) oh shit... my naggy-ness is out again... lol... i love u baby. =)

i've tried... i've really tried...

i've tried my best... i've gave everything... just ain't gd enough help the team to win... but i'm sure everyone gave their best... we just have to learnt this lesson... & move on from there ...

Manage to pass Baby my thumbdrive earlier after the game, hope she's able to convert the movies / videos she need... thought that she'll be able to stay with me for just a short while after my game, but her dad's waiting for her. Well, as long as she reach home safe & sound. it's gd. Hope i can meet her up & spend more time with her soon.

my blog's up again. cheers everyone. gd nights & sweetest dreams. =)