It hurts so much... That every time my heart beats... It gave a sinking feeling...
Everything I do... Reminds me of u...

I miss u...

:'(

Congratulation to Baby, got promoted to manager. Keep it up, jia you, :) love & misses...

Why shld I care & concern for her...
Why shld I worried for her...
Why shld I feel like jealous or something else...
Why shld I?

Ans is because I still love her so much...

:''(

I hate to see when u're together with somebody else, cause it hurts. But I hate it even more and hurts so much, knowing u're unhappy and tired when we're together... :'(

Thinking of u in the day... Dreaming of u at night... Hmmm...

wanna...

I wanna hug & tell u, I miss u & love u so so much.

Even I told ya this... guess it won't change anything... As ur heart is somewhere else... :'(

oh my god...

27th May, u decided to take a step back, I'm okay.
10th June, u asked me why we broke that day, because of different in character and barriers between us, and between this time, I still give u my attention whenever u msg me, and u told me that ya got closer with W.Jian?! That break my heart instantly. Since u think he's better then how I'm treating... I'm happy for u as u found a better man.
22nd June, for the first we skype, chat on msn... U called me Baby... U ended the conversation by saying "I love u"... I was like... Blurred... What do u want now?? Can u tell me?

It hurts... But what does it means? Because it's over? Or I just couldn't bare to let her go? What can I do to improve myself to make this relationship better? This question was always on my mind...thinking of her all the time, wondering if she's thinking of me too......

:'(

:'(

:'(

tired...

I'm so tired... Just wanna... Sit down at one corner... Close my eyes... Rest... Don't ever wish to wake up...

got thrown ard at work... till now still not sure which section i'm gonna work at... just like a basketball being thrown all ard the place... T_T

i'm messed up by alot of things... can someone... pls untangle me...?

Reaching in...

i've tried reaching in for u... but there's no respond, it's either "don't know", "see how", or u're out with others.

='(

Efforts...
have i put in enough effort to make things better?
have i put in enough effort to give u all the attention and care & concern?
have i put in enough effort to be there for u? no matter u're sad or happy?

Do i...
Do i get to share ur joy with u?
or Do i just only get to share ur sorrow while u share u joy with others?

Baby passed her driving test!!! happy for her. =) Gd job baby! love ya.

Doesn't mean i can't sweet talk to u to make u happy, doesn't mean i don't love u.

i need u...

i need u to tell me how u feel, so we can move onwards together...
i couldn't be the one always tell u how i feel yet u don't wanna tell me how u feel?
how u expect me to know? i don't guess. i couldn't think deep enough. i'm sorry.
i couldn't afford this, i couldn't afford that. Could u understand my situation what i'm going through? i can only give u my attention & care & support to u, what other needs would u like to have?

can u pls tell me how u feel?

7th May - Angry? Disappointed? Sad? Confused?

if i tell ya this story, how would u feel?

On the Thursday night, i asked Baby if she's free to meet up for lunch. No need for her to travel so far out, i can meet her up at Tampines Area, to spend time with her & have a gd meal before her sch graduation prom night. She say have to see what time she woke up the next morning. i say okay, let me know. The next morning, i woke up early knowing that i don't have enough slp for the past few days, i make an effort waking up early to wash up prepare my stuffs, as when the moment she called, i can straight head out without wasting any precious time. I woke up at 9am, wash up packed my stuff and waited for a her call anxiously. Past noon, no msg/call from her, i msg her 3 msgs & no reply for the past 1 hr. I've waited till 1pm plus, i make the initiative to call her. When she pick up the phone, i ask her if she's free to meet up for lunch. She said she's having lunch with her mum, i was surprised. My heart had a sinking feel, very sad. i said ok, u go have ur lunch then. Then i msg her to have a gd meal. She replied saying "sorry, didn't have the time to msg when i leave home, sorry" when i see that, i replied nvm. she replied me a sad face symbol. i didn't replied, i was very disappointed. so sad that she gave this kinda excuse. For the past 1 hr, u holding on to ur phone not knowing ur phone rang??? i breakdown, cried. why did i cry??? why??? can someone tell me??? didn't slp the whole night that day. too sad to do so...

now how would u feel if u were me?

hmmm...

Labour Day.

met up with baby at Orchard Rd, fixed up her eyelashes. The eyelash was pretty well done, very nice on baby. Haha, then have japanese food for dinner & bought a bag for her. Hope she likes it. Head out to Night Safari with baby, her family & relatives. i've managed to help baby to fork out the price of the tics, ease her burden a lil. But most importantly everyone enjoy themselves! it's gd!

Today,
Saw baby's Fan Page, she uploaded the pics she have taken at the Chong Pang Camp event. looks like she's enjoying herself alot, *but... when i see some of the guys place their hands ard her waist, i'm so jealous sia...* it's gd baby didn't drink much, but just dun like her to work this kinda jobs, cause she got wasted last time at the same place too!!! i'm so damn farking worried!!!! my head kept spinning!!! "if she gonna okay? how come haven't reply my msg yet?? nvr pick up my call!!! ARGHH!!!!!" just couldn't help worrying. i maybe over-protecting her, but i have my ego & pride de leh. Noone wans his gf like that de la... even for me... haiz... was so freaking worried when she's attending this kinda of work event, hope this will be the last time le. hmmm... -.-"

sometimes... just wondering... if she appreciates that i care & love for her... Not sure if she's really think of how i would feel? i dun wanna think so much! but just couldn't help it. really gotta stop this kinda thinking la... this totally sucks. She's gonna have a prom night on Friday, then she's going clubbing wif her gf after the prom. saying she's gonna go there control her. i was like... huh?? her sch frens accompany her can't control her meh? what makes u so sure u can control her sia, i don't know her frens well, so i don't wanna jump to any stupid conclusions. oh my god... there comes my ego & pride... shit.... lol...! hmmm, could it be Baby wanna go club too? lol, Baby go ahead la, i'm sure u're big enough to know how to take care of urself le,(but i still will be worried de la, what if a bunch of guys come to u & ur gf? whose gonna help? are ur frens able to help u &ur gf? as ur frens clubbing somewhere else in the club or dead drunk? ARGH!!! my ego!!! shit!!!!) Since baby's going to prom then club to celebrate their graduation from poly, hope she'll have fun that night, feel happy for her. Baby, pls take care of urself there, & look after ur belongings k? & dun wonder too far from ur group of frens. =) oh shit... my naggy-ness is out again... lol... i love u baby. =)

i've tried... i've really tried...

i've tried my best... i've gave everything... just ain't gd enough help the team to win... but i'm sure everyone gave their best... we just have to learnt this lesson... & move on from there ...

Manage to pass Baby my thumbdrive earlier after the game, hope she's able to convert the movies / videos she need... thought that she'll be able to stay with me for just a short while after my game, but her dad's waiting for her. Well, as long as she reach home safe & sound. it's gd. Hope i can meet her up & spend more time with her soon.

my blog's up again. cheers everyone. gd nights & sweetest dreams. =)